The chapter on communication provided some ideas for improving communication. Are any of these ideas helpful to you? For the blog this week, make 1 post of 200 words or 2 of 100 words each. You can also comment or expand on another student's posting.
You can describe how you plan to apply some of the ideas in this chapter to improving communication with your children, boss, friends or parents or anyone who is important in your life.
You can also read the scenarios below and use your knowledge of personality type to suggest ways to improve the communication. For a quick review of personality type, click on Do What You Are on the front page of your portfolio on CollegeScope. You can comment on one or more of the scenarios.
Scenario 1 (E and I):
Mary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
Scenario 2 (S and N):
A sensing type and an intuitive type are on a first date. What is each likely to talk about?
Scenario 3 (T and F):
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
Scenario 4 (J and P):
Students in a business class are assigned as a group project to design a business plan. This is an evening class and has mostly adults who have busy schedules with work, family and school. Mike is a highly motivated student who wants to get the group organized and complete the project quickly. Mike is getting irritated at John because he cannot decide on a topic and get going. John keeps coming up with different creative ideas for the business plan. John is getting irritated at Mike because he thinks that Mike is trying to control the group. How can this group work together to complete a successful project?
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteRachel is an F; which is a feeler. Because Rachel is a feeler she in more emotional, caring, gentle hearted, and believe that love can not be analyzed. She looks for the good in everything and likes to compliment others and feels in urge to receive the same in others, especially love and kind words from her significant other. Because Jim is not fulfilling her needs of expressing that he loves her, by using words, she feels as if it must not be there. Jim's personality shows that he is more of a Thinker. A thinker; always likes to use logic to solve problems or express themselves, firm- minded, feel as if love can be analyzed and prefers clarity. Because Rachel is not communicating with Jim and telling him exactly how she feels when he does not say "I love you" to her; he most likely does not realize why she is reacting in a negative way towards him and why that is important for her to hear from him. Rachel and Jim need to collect their thoughts and feelings for one another. Come to each other and in a calm and respectful ways explain why each of them need certain aspects of love for one another and how they would like those to be expressed to them and why it is they feel this way. Jim and Rachel may express love in different ways than each other would like to receive. They need to figure out a communication style that works for them. Allowing each of them to express their love for one another in ways that the love will be received from both. It's kind of simple but with personality clashes and miscommunication sometimes love is not seen even if it is and appears to be the most obvious of love between two people. Poor communication is a number one reason why relationships can fall apart. If you don't know what the other person is expecting of you, what it is they love about you and why it's very hard to be able to have a sense of clarity, mutual respect, and understanding of one another. They need to be kind and understanding to each other's feelings and realize that they both love each other and only have what;s best for each other in mind.
Excellent post Brittney. I like how much thought you put into your observations about Jim and Rachel. My favorite part of your post was; "They need to figure out a communication style that works for them. Allowing each of them to express their love for one another in ways that the love will be received from both." This is so true! If they both can reach a compromise each can find happiness in the relationship.
Deletewow you said a mouth full
DeleteIn the first scenario some I statements can be helpful. In my opinion and based on what I have read in chapter nine it is wrong to use the loud voice and this is not a solution. Mary should introduce the issue by saying I want to know why you are late with paying bills or Carol I think paying bills should be well scheduled. Carol should not leave the room, Mary should learn how to be a good listener so Carol can explain her reasons if there are some. Carol should pay attention to what Mary is trying to say.
ReplyDeleteHi tamara,
DeleteI agree with your comment. I just used an "I" statement. Well anyways, I agree on that Mary should not have used a loud voice at Carol because that is not going to help resolving the problem. Instead she should have calm down first, than after she had calm down approach Carol and ask her what had happened? "Hey Carol I would like to know what happened with our late phone bill?" this will give Carol a chance to explain what happened. They will be able to have a mature adult conversation, instead of one yelling at another.
my thoughts the same when you see two women arguing trying to make sense of things you can always observe that they both make sense its just that one or the other is just trying to get their point across to the other, and the ending result is just the same. their both right.
DeleteIn the third scenario Rachel and Jim should listen to each other. Rachel should not lame Jim because he never said I love you, instead she could have said something like Jim I like to hear you saying I love you, it is been a while since you said it. Rachel's way would not lead Jim to say these words he may not see them meaningful she should tell him how much she cares about hearing them. Jim could say I love you, but I do not need to say it every day because you know that I love you. If you like to hear from me I will say it always from now on
ReplyDeleteHave you ever heard the saying "Actions speak louder than words"? I think that Rachel should appreciate everything that her husband does for her than only just focus on the words that he says to her. Yes girls do like to hear "i love you" all the time but she needs to think about her past and realize everything that Jim has done for her. He obviously done things for her because he loves her. She is just picking a fight if she says this to him, but maybe she should approach him in another way if she really wants him to say i love you to her. Maybe she should say it first to him and he will reply back with an i love you too. A relationship is not just one person, it takes two to figure out your relationship and solve any issues. So if she is realizing he is not saying it as often then she should take some action and say or do something that will make him say i love you without having to pick a fight.
DeleteStudents in a business class are assigned as a group project to design a business plan. This is an evening class and has mostly adults who have busy schedules with work, family and school. Mike is a highly motivated student who wants to get the group organized and complete the project quickly. Mike is getting irritated at John because he cannot decide on a topic and get going. John keeps coming up with different creative ideas for the business plan. John is getting irritated at Mike because he thinks that Mike is trying to control the group. How can this group work together to complete a successful project?
ReplyDeleteThe group could work together to complete a successful project by listening to each other and not just thinking they are all right . Although john is getting irritated at mike because he thinks mike is trying to control the group, john could have told mike in a polite way that he does not like the way he is trying to control the group. and because john is use to a certain way , mike could explain to him in a polite way that learning new styles and things is always good . For example, with me I do things a certain way and the same all the time so when someone comes along and tries to change things up it really does get to me and I get mad but instead of getting mad and showing that I am mad I can just relax and use techniques that I learned and also just listen for the moment then when it is the appropriate time I can explain my thinking and what ever it is that I would like to say. I learned a technique like this throughout this course and by reading a lot of passages in the book.
I’m surprised after one year, Jim stopped saying “I love you”. I’m not married, but I can see couples saying “I love you” and being little love birds for longer than one year. Rachel shouldn’t be complaining to Jim because he’s not saying that to her. A lot of women are like Rachel and like to have their feelings up to par at all times. Women shouldn’t feel what Rachel feels. It starts problems and fights between one another. I totally agree with Jim in his reply to Rachel. Couples don’t get married because they want to hear the other person saying “I love you”. Couples wouldn’t get married if they weren’t in love with each other. I believe they can improve their communication. They should be more communicating and compassionate towards each other. Jim should give more attention to Rachel so she feels loved, cared, or happy. All men understand what women want. I believe a relationship shouldn’t be based on a phrase. Women shouldn’t think by saying “I love you” means I don’t love you anymore. But again, you marry out of love, and I think “I love you” here and there wouldn’t hurt as well. Saying “I love you” is just a reminder of your wedding vows.
ReplyDeleteI like how you said, "Saying “I love you” is just a reminder of your wedding vows." It is true that a little phrase shouldn't make or break a relationship, but I think that because it is such a little phrase it shouldn't be so hard to say. Jim should just say it, because it makes Rachel happy. Though most men "think" they know what women want, we are very different creatures and don't always communicate on the same level. Women need reassurance, we like to talk more, and this makes us want the verbal re-affermation of love. There is nothing wrong with this, but I think that Rachel and Jim definitly need to sit down and disucss their needs.
DeleteFor the students in the business class project there are a few pieces of adice. Straight away I am not a fan of group projects for just this reason. They can always get behind and one or two people end up picking up the slack. However communication can help their situation. Mike may be trying to control the group, and sometimes you need this person. However John should communicate to him that he doesn't like the way he is being controlling and same for Mike. He can explain to john how he feels he is setting them back by not making up his mind. It might be helpful if they both sat down and explained their thought processes. Also if John is going to be busy all the time with work and Mike is so eager maybe he could offer to switch up roles with someone in exchange for a role in the group that would work better with his schedule. I always seem to get stuck in these situations in group projects. Everyone is busy and has a life and usually a job. I always appreciate when teachers dont waste time with group projects. It makes it easy for people to leech on and skate by or half ass and Ive been on both sides of this. I mean thats why Im taking this online class I dont have that many free hours to be in a classroom. Communication skills are aan important part in life but they dont always get results or work. It is always best to try to be diplomatic and try to explain each side and sort out opinions.
ReplyDeleteScenario 1: to improve communication first of all, Mary need to tell Carol what she feeling about her behaves instead of upset because she make problem bigger, second, she state what the situation is and give her chance to solve the problem in next time, of course Carol make mistakes but is not the end of the world and all we are human and the mistakes is possible not just for Carol but also to Mary and this is what happen, third, without she let Carol to say something or explain why it is happen, so of course it was bad behave from Mary and should fix it by apologizes and it is the best improve communication.
ReplyDeletescenario # 2: the important thing to both to talk each other about behaves, for S give some idea about how is feeling, what is like, and everything, for N same thing and because is first date so just the conversation is the best way to know each other so, then if they except each other is good and if not then will be friend. The love is beginning to any marriage project then to improve communication the best way is conversation to know each other better and to draw picture in their mind and then can decide either stay or leave.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is key in any sucessful relationship. It defines important boundaries of comfort, and determines the quality of time spent together. I just got married last June; even though my husband and I have been together since 2006, things changed considerabley after we got married. It is easy to assume that someone knows what you need, especially if you have been together for a long time. I thought the lesson for this week held great power in understanding another person in an argument or disagreement. It is natural for us to want to retract and place blame, but if we use "I" statements and try to compromise the out come will be much more savory for both parties.
ReplyDeleteFor the situation of Mary and Carol, Mary being an extrovert and Carol being an introvert. One way they can improve their communication is if Mary gives Carol time to talk and express her feelings and reasoning. Also if Mary can speak calmly when upset so that she doesn't feel the urge to shout and upset Carol. Another improvement could be sitting down and going over the dates of when bills need to be paid, so they can both be clear of when it is and not have any confusion. Also being helpful towards each other and reminding one another to pay in a friendly way rather in a hostile way.
ReplyDeleteThere are many useful tips in this chapter that can help my communication. First of all I will try to ask more question when I don't understand. Clarity in the other persons message will be very useful. When I am in a important discussion with someone, I will reduce the number of distractions. One example, if me and my brother are talking. I will turn of the TV or music. Most conversation problems happen between me and my brother. After reading about the "you" statements ad the "I" statements, It makes me think of how many times my brother must have thought I was blaming him. I will try to use more "I" statements when we are having conversations (arguments). I never thought of how I use statements that start with "I should". Now that I think of it, I must sound very unmotivated sometimes. Although I don't use it that often, I will make sure I avoid "I should" more often, especially around my family. I never thought of advice being a potentially bad thing. Some of my friends tell me about their troubles, and they do ask for advice. But I never thought giving advice could cause resentment toward me. One thing I will definitely avoid is giving advice when its not asked for.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this chapter on effective communication, I learned a variety of ways to communicate better with people such as my parents, siblings, and friends. I learned the difference between using “I” and “U” statements, which I think will be effective if I use them the right way. Knowing how to communicate is such an important thing to me because it makes life easier when you know how to resolve a conflict with someone. When there is an argument, I have learned to listen, evaluate the issue, and come up with a rational conclusion. This seems to be much more effective than just simply arguing and not hearing out the other persons point of view. Without listening and evaluating situations, I know from experience that a situation is more unlikely to get resolved than likely. Having good communication skills is helpful not only when communicating with family, but also people at a job or your customers. Having good communication skills also allows people to look at you with more respect. Knowing how to communicate shows intelligence and maturity, which I think are important qualities to have. Overall, the better communication skills you have the better it is. I try to communicate the best way I can and I know it makes a huge difference.
ReplyDeleteI have choose to give some communication skills to Mary and Carol. First I think they need to set boundaries and lay out a clear plan on what and when the bills are due. This would eliminate anyone being late and upset. Then I think they need to talk to one another calmly and take turns speaking. If each one is respectful and gives the other person time to say how they feel this will help the flow of the conversation. I also think that by actively listening and being able to put yourself in the other persons shoes would help. Maybe saying how would you feel if I put you in this situation. I think that by having them be able to talk openly and not getting mad or upset the roommate situation will last a lot longer. If they can do it on this subject then they can do it on any situation.
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteIt happens sometimes that the husband get bored or no more interested in his wife but if Rachel wanted to check if he still loves her or no she should not ask him that the way she did. Maybe if she wanted from him to go out with her and show her how he loved her when they first met and if he did not do it that might mean he is not the same guy who used to be. The way Rachel complained to Jim does not lead to any solution because he might still love her but judging if he does or does not because of one sentence means this relationship is weak. I understand that love is essential to keep the relationship healthy and productive but sometimes they have to communicate and understand each other.
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DeleteMary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteI think Mary needs to understand Carol's character before blaming or arguing with her.Also Carol needs to change her habit about just listening and not talking or explaining to Mary why that happened. These roommates need to work to together and share the responsibilities in order to have an organized relationship.
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ReplyDeleteI agree with you Revan. The date will be special because of the contrast on the two personalities, and I think this will be strange at first, but maybe will work for them. Maybe the sensing type will be attracted by the
Deleteimagination and improvisation of the intuitive person, and for the intuitive person the sensing person will make her come down to heart.Maybe after few dates they will find things in common, and that will lead to a good relationship.
Even after Jim said that i feel like Rachel still needs that assurance. She may be the intuitive person who pictures everything in a pretty world. She wants a man that can cherish her everyday and show it. She wants that kind of attention because thats the kind of person she is. He should be more understanding to her feelings and make the effort to make her happy. By telling him something like that she is making herself more vulernable. He should respect her feelings and do something about it. I think they need to both sit down and have a talk about it. If she is his wife and he married her he should make the effort to do something for her. She needs to understand maybe he isn't the kind of person to show too much emotion because not all people are. They need to discuss how they are going to work this out together. Marriage is compromise so both of them need to say how they feel so they can settle on something.
ReplyDeleteMary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteBoth need to work on their relationship. Both need to understand that they live in one room where they have to eat, sleep, and breathe. If the conditions aren't where they need to be for each of them it just wont work out. There overall experience in the dorm will be destroyed. They need to make sure everything is taken care of in a different tactic. Maybe they can write a to do list on a bulletin board and have a check list every month. The check list will have the duties that each of them have to accomplish. Throughout the month the girls will both have to check up on everything they need to do individually. In the end, they can both check on each other and see if they accomplished everything they need it. If not then they can have a discussion about that. This is probably the most systematic way they can communicate with this situation.
Mary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteBecause they are roommates, communication is the key to their relationship because they are living and sleeping under the same roof. Like they say putting fire with fire will only make a bigger fire, therefore one has to fess up to the problem and fix it. In this situation carol needs to be the one to speak up and reply back to Mary because ignoring her is not only rude, but upsets her. As learned in this chapter, Mary needs to share her thoughts and what she wants and expects from Carol using "I" statements. Also Mary should always speak calmly with Carol so that Carol doesn't feel like she is being yelled at and gets angry and leaves the room.
They are different personality types so that has some things to do with it. Because Mary is extravert, she tends to speak very loud and fast and gets frustrated when she can’t express her feelings. Carol being the introvert is totally different from Mary. Carol enjoys the peace and quiet and is a great listener. Due to the fact that she is too quiet, she has to think of what to say back to add on the conversation especially with a personality like Mary’s. Carol may want to be as talkative and outgoing like Mary, but it is difficult and will give her anxiety. They can improve there relationship by understanding and respecting each other. Mary should always give Carol her attention and time to listen to what she has to say before yelling at her even more. Compromising with one another is the best thing for them both to get along.
The things I learned in this chapter I can use to improve my communication skills with everyone in my life. I need to become a better listener when I'm talking with someone so they can get their point across and then I can think and respond. I also need to take into consideration that persons feelings because some people are more sensitive and take things more personally. When I get into arguments with my family members I need to make sure I don't say anything negative which could hurt the communication such as name calling or criticizing. When I'm talking to someone with authority such as a boss then I need to make sure I make logical reasons for the things I talk about and make sure they can understand clearly what I'm talking about. When I'm talking to others I need to become a better listener by having more patients while the other person is talking and not interrupt which will improve the communication. I would also like to block out the background noise when I'm talking to someone so I don't get distracted from what the other person is saying. I also need to make sure I ask questions to give good feedback and make sure I understand everything the other person is trying to get across.
ReplyDeleteScenario 1 (E and I):
ReplyDeleteIt seems that Mary is an extrovert and Carol is an introvert from the way they reacted to the argument. Mary was consistently talking and yelling. Carol was quiet and eventually left the room. As an introvert, Carol is at a disadvantage because it seems that she needs time to think about the situation. To improve their communication both need to recognize and understand how each other communicate. Mary, as an extravert, should pause to let Carol have time to process the situation and speak. It is easy for Mary to dominate the conversation but she should make a conscious effort to not do so. Carol also needs to make an effort to communicate and not escape from the conversation.
Scenario 2 (S and N):
ReplyDeleteOn a first date, a sensing type will talk about their experiences. The sensing type will stick to details and facts. They will ask specific questions and give concrete answers. For example, a sensing type will talk about how their date looks like, how the food smells, and how the drinks taste. The intuitive type will talk about dreams and visions. They can speak on beliefs and visions. On a first date, the intuitive type may not follow the conversation because they could think that daydreaming can be more interesting than the date. This can irritate the sensor type. These different types can be clashing because the sensing type will stick to facts while the intuitive type will stick to imagination.
i agree sometimes these kinds of people can unknowingly have that vibe that they are trying to be cool with each other but they both have that sense that they just do not really like each other but at the same time be polite to each other.
DeleteMary seems like a responsible person more than Carol is. Mary is acting like a mom for carol, yet she needs to be less stressed and take things easy while talking to Carol. Carol might not be very reckless, yet she might have forgotten to pay the bill earlier and that something Mary might not think of because her anger is controlling her. Mary should be more calm and diplomatic with her tone when she talks to her roommate and she needs to be respectful because if her tone is offending and commanding carol will be angry too and that way the conflict will be bigger. Mary should ask carol nicely and remind her of her responsibilities. So they must talk and discus what’s going on.
ReplyDeleteRachel can use some sentences like, “I feel sad because you don’t tell me that you love me anymore,” or she can say, “I don’t feel that you love me.”That is a good sentence that Rachel can use to express herself through, and it can effective to make john feel what she is going through. They should sit and talk about what each one feels like, that is a good way to get their point across. Jim can take the first step by taking Rachel out for dinner. That is a good way to renew what they were going to lose with time.
I would say mary should realize that carol is not able to speak when she is getting frustrated and should ask about what happened using I questions so that Carol can have time to think and not get frustrated and scared. they both should realize that the other is different and dshould understand their differences in communication and they should try to come to a common ground. Extroverts can actually help an introvert speak more and have less stress in the relationship, because of that. Then if they apply the listen and question they can have a good dialog come from the situation. That can reveal that carol had a few issues going on in her life that made it hard for her to pay the bill on time. So maybe carol was then scared to talk to mary because she knew that Mary may get angry and yell then carol was to closed up to speak her mind. So if they listen question and resolve that would have been the way to go about this situation.
ReplyDeleteFor scenario # 4, I think that Mike should communicate his frustrations to John, but needs to be understanding of what John might be going through. John on the same note also needs to communicate his feelings to Mike that they understand the other person. The best way for Mike to do this is is to use I statements, rather than you statements to get his point across. This is only the tipping point. John needs to be a better listener, and acknowledge what he could do better to make everything work more efficently. Collectively, they need to understand the other, having a sitdown conversation to where they can actively talk. may be a start.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of scenario # 1, I think that both Carol and Mary need to listen to the other by taking turns speaking. They should practice talking less, listening more, as we learned in the chapter. It is obvious that Carol is upset, and shutting down due to Mary's behavior. MAry needs to be more understanding and use more "I statements, rather than "you statements", so that the discussion seems less personal. Another way to try to improve communication would be for Carol to share her feelings on why she is upset.
ReplyDeleteIrma Tiznado April,22, 2013
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
Rachel is from Venus, she needs attention, demonstration,assurance,and Jim is from Mars who needs admiration, dedication, and encouragement. They have to start improving their communication: First, accepting the way each other is, listen and talking about their needs, and
try to find out what will work for both. May be Jim is a judging or sensor person and is not expressing his love with words but with his actions,and Rachel is a feeler that needs to hear those words from Jim. Rachel needs to stop complaining, tell Jim what she needs from him, but give him some space to miss her and think. It is important for a feeler as a Rachel is, to not take Jim attitude personally, and to use her intuition to approach him in order to make their marriage work. They have been married only for a year and they are knowing each other day by day and while they learn how to accept each other, there will be ups and downs. The combination of both personalities and to be working hard on communication will make a good marriage through out the next years.
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, “I love you” anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn’t love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeleteJim is a thinker which causes him to use logic to express himself or solve problems. Rachel on the other hand is a feeler and is more emotional and believes love can’t be analyzed. Ways they can improve communications would be to be more open about their feelings and emotions. Although Rachel is a Feeler and she does base things of emotion this does not mean she knows how to fully communicate her feelings the way she wishes to. This will cause her to feel as if Jim isn’t emotionally there the way she is, but this is all just in her head. Jim on the other hand most likely feels there is no need to repeatedly say ‘I love you’ because he is more logic based and to him repeating it lessens its meaning. Of course this is all my opinion, but if they can realize each other’s way of thinking they can come to a recognition of how they come off to the other and work on their communication. Another way they can improve communication is by simply sitting down and being blunt about their feelings to each other and just talk it through without the over analyzing; Just them talking it through.
Scenario 3 (T and F):
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
with Rachel being a feeler i can say that shes feeling that way because she needs to be consistently updated on her current relation with her husband. and with her husband being a thinking type i think that he truly does love her, but at the same time he just does not express the way that Rachel needs to see it. ways to improve communication id say is just to have Rachel give Jim his space until he sees the way that he needs to meet her half way. another way to improve communication is to have Rachel actually pull Jim aside and set some plans for them to actually catch up on their relationship 8 years is along time and i think that she just needs some time to actually get together for some reassurance.